Dad

 I have mentioned difficult times with dad. I will go into it a bit about what is going on. I try to understand WHY a behaviour is happening and what causes him to act the way he does. It helps it not to seem so personal. I think dad is scared and feeling very out of control right now with all that has been happening
 For some reason, after I took mom to the hospital for IV therapy, dad has had periods of being difficult and unreasonable. I haven't been there for most of these episodes so I kind of have to explain them second hand from hearing about it from both sides. Dad doesn't like something that is happening, like too much noise or what mom is being fed so he attempts to take control by ordering firmly for everyone to respect and obey him. He can get right in your face with  his finger and can be a bit unreasonable. Any comments are "back talk" and not allowed according to him. He is the authority and expects to be obeyed. He doesn't care if it is stressing mom or anyone else out because "if we would get the authority right in the house then things would run smoothly and everyone would be peaceful and mom could get well or at least die." Yes, he uses that word frequently in her presence. I asked him one time to quit saying it all the time. Of course that led to a whole lot more of it in the next few sentences because he said there is nothing wrong with saying that and whats wrong with dying? ect.
 There are a few of the male species in our family that have a short fuse and don't do well with a finger in their face and are right back at him. Dad called the cops on one of them and told them he was being cussed out. Of course, I hear about this after the fact. I have talked to the parties involved to try to get everyone to give dad a lot of grace right now due to the stress and pressure he is under. I have requested anyone who does not have the self control to just walk out of the house if he is getting on their nerves, to not even come around. I have begged dad to be peaceable. I reminded him of how much mom hates conflict and how important a peaceful home is to her. I get him kind of calmed down for awhile and then he will go off again. Please bear in mind that these are usually totally unprovoked by anyone around him. We can be peacefully going about our day and he will walk in and start something. Of course, I'm sorry when others get drug into arguing with him but I know how easy it is to do when he is obviously being unreasonable. But for mom's sake can't we work this out somehow? I am trying to be peacemaker but thinking if it continues to be this disruptive we may have to take mom to the hospital to get her out of the situation. I am trying very hard to avoid that because that traumatizes dad so badly and I really don't think there is anything they can do that isn't just a temporary measure.
 Part of the reason dad is so traumatized by mom being in the hospital is that he seems to have the idea if someone dies in there they loose their soul. I'm not sure why he has such paranoia for but he seems to feel that strongly. He really freaks out if he thinks that might happen. If I take her and he should insist on going to the hospital to be with her and be that disruptive, it may end up being a situation like the hospital in Arkansas where they called the cops on dad and had him escorted out of the hospital. I just really don't want to traumatize him any more than possible right now. When he is not around or involved with moms care we all get along and work together very well. I really can't ask him not to be involved because, after all, she is his wife of almost 55 years. I just don't know what to do sometimes. It is very stressful for my sisters to deal with and I have been working the last 4 nights. Hopefully, I can help out more in the next few days.